Nan Patience Back At The Ranch

Tile mosaic at East End Arts Council

“The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you.”~ Kendall Hailey

“If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.” ~ Jeff Foxworthy

“Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.” ~ Matt Groening

“Writers will happen in the best of families.” ~ Rita Mae Brown

“The family is the country of the heart.” ~ Giuseppe Mazzini

“A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.” ~ Buddha

“Tipper and Al came to a show the last time we were in Washington. They’re nice people, a nice family. We made every effort not to frighten them.” ~ Jerry Garcia

“Try to live your life so that you wouldn’t be afraid to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.” ~ Will Rogers

“In every dispute between parent and child, both cannot be right, but they may be, and usually are, both wrong. It is this situation which gives family life its peculiar hysterical charm.” ~ Isaac Rosenfeld

Another tile mosaic at East End Arts Council

Strangely enough, your Nan is being, well, “sort of” publicly dissected right now, and I wonder if my anatomy will be enough like the public’s to be accepted for further trials.

One of the topics I blog about here Back At the Ranch is the town in which our family lives, Riverhead, New York. It’s a great town with huge swaths of farmland, seas on every side, a diverse population, a school district that offers a surprisingly rich experience for every kind of student, a fabulous public library, and an interesting downtown. Our townsfolk embraced the big box and outlet malls trend and offer world-class shopping that discerning shoppers from miles around come to take advantage of. Splish Splash Water Park is every child’s idea of nirvana. There is still, despite the large size and diversity of the town, a small town feel and a close-knit community. There are more people per capita that would give you their shirt if you needed it in Riverhead than… well, lots of places in America, and we’re no different.

The public image of the town, in contrast to what I just said, is very negative. We’re perceived as incompetent, low-income, crime-ridden, environmentally degrading, stupid, sold-out losers. Harsh but true. I know quite a few people from outside the town, and I know what they say. And there is the occasional bad news story in the media about our drinking, pornography, prostitution, and run-of-the-mill wrong-doings. OK, OK! On a bad day, we have to admit that there’s a little truth to what people say. Just like on a bad day, I firmly believe that I’m a loser, and in a certain light, it’s true.

Which is why it’s so important to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. The bad rap wears on a town and its good people. It’s not good for the children; they deserve to feel proud. I object to all this sitting idly by and allowing everyone to dump on Riverhead! We need love, dammit, and I intend to see that we give it and get it, or my name isn’t Nan Patience (well, heh, actually, it isn’t, it’s Nancy Swett, ha! Nan Patience is only a pen–er um–keyboard name suggested by a newspaper editor I used to work for).

Those of you who have been reading along on this blog know that at the beginning of the year, I was downtown and felt compelled by what I saw to take pictures. The desolation was evidence of defeat. That just made me sad and mad, too.

Within the town, and along with the county and state, Riverhead has been fighting and losing its battle to revitalize its downtown. It’s a struggle, as small entities battle big corporations for the heart and soul of people everywhere. We’re no match, especially when we’re feeling low and divided and confused with contradictory priorities. And the politicians love to use this to beat each other over the head during elections. And the common good has sometimes been sacrificed for individual gain. Who can blame someone for coming to the conclusion that it’s all a losing battle, but at least we can take care of our own?

As things stand right now, according to this article in our local paper this week, I’m being held up as one of the leaders, if not the leading leader, in an effort now underway to reverse the sense of defeat we feel in Riverhead, as evidenced by the state of our downtown, which is traditionally the heart of a town.

I am now prone to analysis and dissection by the public as to my motives. Just look at some of the comments. While all glowing, they do ask the question… who is she and what is she really up to? This is dangerous territory for a town stuck in a negative mode on the dial and ever-ready to throw people under a bus.

You may be asking yourself, How in the world did your Nan get herself in this position. Because I care? Because I have apparently got the time? Because I live a good part of my life on the internet? Because I know how to write? Because I have half a brain and one good eye? Because I’m a natural born rabble rouser? Oh dear God. Is it love with a bad streak that’s needed? If that’s what it takes, and if I have a use, then use me up, that’s what I say, lol.

But I ask myself: would I have a price? What would it take to make me go away smiling? I’d like to think that I wouldn’t relent until this town got its act together and things started to move in the right direction into the future. But would I be happy with enough money to lavish my family and friends with life’s rewards? We live modestly, and I sure would love to be able to buy a new dress and matching shoes whenever I had an affair. I’d love to live the boating life all summer long. I’d love to fly the globe all winter. I’d love to drink the finest wines and eat the finest foods every day…

God give me strength, I fear I may be weak! Help me to be thankful every day for all the blessings I already have, which are many. To hang in there with my compatriots and withstand the contempt and beguilements of those who don’t wish to be disturbed for an annoying little thing called the common good. To be as vigilant with my ego as I would with a two-year-old child at a zoo gift and candy shop. To forgive those who trespass upon me. To accept defeats and discouragement and learn from mistakes and keep on truckin. To avoid getting into serious trouble.

Are you scared for me? Are you excited for me? Are you both worried and excited? I am!

Please feel free to leave a comment at the end of the article. The last I checked, it was the second-most commented-on article in the paper. The first most commented-on article was an unfortunate story about a high school teacher arrested on child pornography charges.

Hello there, Little Girl,

This is one of those photos your Daddy took of you. He took a lot of keepers! You look like a happy little girl. Here you are, you must be about four or five, so that means your family just moved to Mattituck, New York. That certainly does look like it was taken somewhere on the East End of Long Island, judging by the salt water reeds.

So did you climb up on that fence all by yourself, or did someone perch you up there? I love your little patches on your knees and your little sneakers. Are they red? It’s hard to tell in black and white! It’s almost sepia toned, and it does seem like ages ago.

You look like a little bear in that jacket, too. Come over here, you little darling, so I can give you a big bear hug! Oh, you’re a good hugger! You hold on tight! You’re such a bright little girl, you really listen and speak well. You’re so sweet and considerate. It’s wonderful to talk with you. My, you have such pretty, curly hair!

What do you like to play? Riding on the tire swing on the big maple? Aren’t you scared, it’s so big! No? Wow, you’re brave. And you like climbing that big pine tree right out your front door? You go all the way to the top! My goodness! Riding your bicycle around the yard and up and down the dirt hills? Listening to records on the record player? You have some records with stories on them, huh. Playing wild horsies in the potato field with your friends? playing house in the little shack out back? playing school in your room? I’ll bet you keep your room pretty neat, don’t you? I knew it! You seem like a good little girl.

Well, it was so nice visiting with you. I love you. Give me a kiss.

Bye little Nan! ~ xo

This fine Faze Art graphic is courtesy of Little Bird, my 12-year-old daughter.

She and a friend asked me to take them to the beach for a swim last weekend. Unlike today, which is not only a weekday but raining again, Saturday was a sunny, warm day. They had just returned from a walk. I was sprawled out on a beach chair, enjoying the back yard.

I had considered mowing and yard work, as the space I occupied was half-mowed. It was obvious that it needed to be fully mowed. It was also obvious that the day’s offer to bake in the sun with a cold beverage was too kind to refuse.

There’s something about a summer frame of mind that’s hard to describe until you’re in it. It’s like a huge weight lifting and a time to breathe.

The girls were very eager to get to the beach. I said the beach wasn’t going anywhere. Why don’t yas get something to eat and a drink, and get ready, and then we’ll go down for a little bit.

Generations co-existing peacefully, now there’s a lost art and science.

After ample preparations were made, and after I changed out of my hussy outfit and into something fit for public consumption, off we went.

The beach was lovely! There were men, women and children down there of every shape and size. The view was spectacular and changing at a calm pace due to a gentle breeze, moving boats, and everyone going about their own business enjoying the beach. The water was cold, for sure, and the girls sunbathed for a little while until they got bored with that, and then rounded up some poor, unsuspecting sealife. Once acclimated for swimming, they seemed ready to stay in the water for the rest of the day.

Summer Bay and White Sand by my dear friend Anna. See her Etsy shop, Anna Magdalena!

I’m looking forward to days on end of summer, as opposed to a couple of hours of summer.

Do you know what a truck system is? Here’s how Wikipedia defines it so far:

A truck system is an arrangement in which employees are paid in commodities or some currency substitute (referred to as scrip), rather than with standard money. This limits employees’ ability to choose how to spend their earnings—generally to the benefit of the employer. As an example, scrip might only be able to be used for the purchase of goods at a “company store” where prices are set artificially high.

While this system had long existed in many parts of the world, it became widespread in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, as industrialisation left many poor, unskilled workers without other means to support themselves and their families. The practice has been widely criticised as exploitative and similar in effect to slavery, and has been outlawed in many parts of the world. Variations of the truck system have existed world-wide, and are known by various names.

The practice is ostensibly one of a free and legal exchange, whereby an employer would offer something of value (typically goods, food, or housing) in exchange for labour, with the result being the same as if the labourer had been paid money and then spent the money on these necessities. The word truck came into the English language within this context, from the French troquer, meaning ‘exchange’ or ‘barter’. A truck system differs from this kind of open barter or payment in kind system by creating or taking advantage of a closed economic system in which workers have little or no opportunity to choose other work arrangements, and can easily become so indebted to their employers that they are unable to leave the system legally. The popular song Sixteen Tons dramatizes this scenario, with the narrator telling Saint Peter (who would welcome him to Heaven upon his death) “I can’t go; I owe my soul to the company store.”

Truck systems came under increasing criticism, and laws were passed in many jurisdictions which made it illegal for payment to be made other than in lawful money, and to specify how or where employees spent their pay.

I would say we’re unwittingly experiencing a kind of truck system today. Large entities are in a position to take money from people whenever and however they want with impunity.

When profits are down, they can raise fees, raise prices, impose new fees, increase interest rates, raise health care premiums, deny claims, amend contracts, deny benefits, dissolve contracts, or raise more tax money. There is no apparent cause for higher costs of living than greed. Non-compliance will make things even harder on you. The fine print is baffling. Even the experts don’t know what anything means.

As soon as people rally and get one mess straightened out, the scoundrels get busy on their next schemes. Meanwhile, ordinary people are just trying to live their lives, pay their bills, raise their families, and figure out the important things before they die.

Well, the scoundrels have been outsmarting us for some time now, and they need to be dealt with. We need a War on Scoundrels. I believe there would be great dividends! I think we’d be amazed at what’s possible once the monopolies and political obstacles are removed.

For example: health care. I’m not sure that I like the idea of public health care delivery, since public services have long been equated with sub-standard, government entitlement and charity programs. Would it be possible to have a publicly-funded system of private health care? Do we need HMOs? Would greater emphasis on prevention, early detection, effective treatment, and efficient record-keeping help cut costs? Can the government use its bargaining power to lower the costs of common drugs?

How about our financial institutions? They practically destroy the financial system and put Americans at risk with their dark dealings, they weasel millions of Americans out of their homes with bad mortgage deals, extort large profits from poor people through penalties and fees, threaten Washington DC with a financial armeggedon unless taxpayers bail them out, and yet there are those politicians who cry foul that the government has had to take things in hand.

There are those who say, yes, but all of the victims of these dealings were stupid and wanted in on the easy money. That’s probably also true.

That’s why I consider myself a centrist, because, clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Somewhere along the line, the American Dream was something people started to feel could be stolen, as opposed to earned.

And the American Dream has been super-sized like everything else.

When I encounter some of the people who are living one of these super-sized American Dreams, I’m still surprised and dismayed to find that there’s often nothing behind the veneer. There’s no evidence of hard work, no sign of humility, no inclination to give back, not even a shred of humanity. Their idea of beauty is anything expensive. Having no sense of taste, they just want what everyone else has. They move in, put up gates and hedges, shut the blinds, bring in the toys, flush all of their toilets, talk like guard dogs and laugh like hyenas.

If those folks are winning, then you can be sure the game is rigged.

“The interval between the decay of the old and the formation and the establishment of the new, constitutes a period of transition which must always necessarily be one of uncertainty, confusion, error, and wild and fierce fanaticism.” ~  John C. Calhoun

“There are always two parties; the establishment and the movement.” ~  Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The people who oppose your ideas the most are those who represent the establishment that your ideas will upset.” ~ Anthony J. D’Angelo

“There is no investment you can make which will pay you so well as the effort to scatter sunshine and good cheer through your establishment.” ~ Orison Swett Marden

“If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.” ~ Art Buchwald

“The greatest difficulty is that men do not think enough of themselves, do not consider what it is that they are sacrificing when they follow in a herd, or when they cater for their establishment.” ~  Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If you hate your parents, the man or the establishment, don’t show them up by getting wasted and wrapping your car around a tree. If you really want to rebel against your parents: outearn them, outlive them, and know more than they do.” ~ Henry Rollins

“If you haven’t turned rebel by twenty you’ve got no heart; if you haven’t turned establishment by thirty you’ve got no brains!” ~ Kevin Spacey

“It does not appear to me that my hand is unworthy your acceptance, or that the establishment I can offer would be any other than highly desirable.” ~ Jane Austen

“One change always leaves the way open for the establishment of others.” ~ Niccolo Machiavelli

“The youth rebellion [1968] is a worldwide phenomenon that has not been seen before in history. I do not believe they will calm down and be ad execs at thirty as the Establishment would like us to believe.” ~ William S. Burroughs

Geeky Content Warning: This post contains irritating and disturbing references to physics, the New York Times, and Obama. Your discretion is advised.

* * *

Let’s start off with the physics.

“E,” the leader of a band called the Eels, did a cool documentary about his father, a cult figure physicist. I watched it this weekend. The documentary combined his father’s physics and his own alternative rock music.

The purpose of E’s documentary was to come to understand his father’s physics theories and to get to know his father, who was throughout his life a virtual stranger in the family. While his father’s work finally and eventually began to gain acceptance and acclaim from the establishment, it was ahead of its time and threatened the powers that be’ed and existing theories. In the meantime, E’s father was totally consumed by his work, disturbed and depressed by the response he got from the physics community. Rejection hurts!

His father studied the laws governing nano-tiny things and found the laws of physics don’t seem to apply to teensy weensy things. Since big things are comprised of smaller things, it follows that both sets of laws apply. He proposed that there were parallel universes.

I really like E’s music and lyrics. Interestingly, he seems to live the life of an outsider himself, like his father did.

Here’s the link to the PBS Nova show about parallel universes and The Eels with the documentary if you’re interested.

* * *

Moving on to… the New York Times. I don’t have a big appetite for this newspaper myself, but my mother was visiting this weekend, and she eats it up. I was bored, so I read the magazine section.

There was an article in there by one Matthew B. Crawford, “The Case for Working With Your Hands.” I would have assumed by the title that it was another one of those patronizing articles they publish about how the other half lives, but I saw a photo of the author first and was prepared to give the article a chance. The author writes that he became disenchanted by the kinds of jobs that higher education qualified him for. So now he has a motorcycle repair business and writes freelance. He’s a really good writer, too. He has a PhD, and so what he’s doing is outside of the norm. He found the norm to lack integrity, to be soul deadening, and not worthwhile. The guy likes working with his hands! Nothing wrong with that. And repairing motorcycles has a lot to it. He started by taking apart and rebuilding his motorcycle, and now he’s made a life for himself that he likes.

I think a lot of people are rethinking work and life and questioning some things.

* * *

And as for audacity, we can see now that Obama is no longer an outsider, and enjoys his new lifestyle so much that he’s willing to compromise with “reality.” While I give him credit for appearing to confront several issues head on, he isn’t going nearly far enough on health care, the banks, taxes, education… And if he’s not going to do what needs to be done, then who will? I guess we still have to keep cleaning out Washington until someone down there finally gets it that what voters want is a government that is accountable to the people first, not big interests. That’s something that most folks from all sides can agree on, isn’t it?

* * *

In the parking lot this morning, Monkey asked if a heads-up penny was good luck or bad. Good, I said. So he wanted to get it, but I said no. It’s dangerous for a little boy to get a penny on the ground of a parking lot, I don’t care which side is up. And what if he gets the penny? Holds it in his hand. Puts it in his pocket. Then he’s got to take care of that penny with the big meanings. He’ll wonder about the penny as his life unfolds, whether it really was a lucky penny. He’ll wonder about the tails side underneath, always there on the flip side, just the other side of a two-sided coin. Face down, it watches and waits for the right time to bring nightmares to life. Better to just leave it there on the ground for someone else to get. It’s much too heavy a burden for a little boy to carry.

I don’t vacuum pennies up or throw them away. Do you? Don’t! That would bring very bad luck indeed. That sort of thoughtlessness when it comes to small things does not engender trust from the powers that be.

As a small child, I had a lot of pennies. I was a thrifty little girl. I saved my pennies in a jar, and I liked to count them. I don’t know where I got the pennies from, maybe my father let me have them when he came home from work and emptied his pockets onto his dresser. Maybe I just took them. Maybe I found them. The point is that I had tens and tens, maybe even hundreds of them. When it comes to pennies, people seem to find them practically worthless. But as I said, I had a very nice collection of them. 

I don’t remember thinking about them much as being bad or good, and I don’t remember thinking of them in terms of small responsibilities. But when potatoes came spilling out of a truck in front of our house on Sound Avenue, and I collected and sold them for a quarter a bag, maybe the universe was rewarding my care. But everything bad that happened may have come from the dark side of a penny.

It can make you crazy, trying to account for why things happen. And just as you’re sitting there, racking your brains, a warm spring breeze will come by and rustle through the new leaves, and you’ll realize it’s been a while since you’ve heard that soft sound. The bitter winds battered and screeched through the bare branches all winter. You can’t be ungrateful for the small mercy of a lovely caress out of thin air, even with the knowledge that it’s just the other side of the same coin.

In our yard on this lush, sunny Spring day…